Like a lot of writers, I like to delve into the heart of love & romance and offer readers some insights into what I believe does and doesn’t work in the dating and mating game. As a former teacher who on occasion taught sex education, I was however knocked sideways by the results of a recent poll regarding the sex lives of fifteen thousand Britons. Sales of erotic novels have been flying off the shelves and on-line retailers report a massive increase in sales of sex toys. Is it not reasonable to presume everyone is having a whale of a time steaming up car windows in their impatience to get to the bedroom? It seems not.
People aged sixteen to forty four are having less sex now than in the past 20 years according to the report. It appears those newly purchased sexy fandangles are being shoved aside in favour of solo engagement with technical gadgets such as smart phones, ipads and laptops. Add financial worries brought on by the recession and the result is a major dampener on libidos. And more disturbing evidence suggests partners view social media as a threat if their other half happens to attract a lot of attention on Facebook or Twitter.
Frankly, I’m not surprised by any of this. I know how addictive social media can be and I have to limit my Twitter time, otherwise I could be on it all day. I also know that there is nothing quite so alluring as a person I find attractive, giving me their undivided attention. The ability to be fully present to another is often cited as the mark of very charismatic people and is something that politicians practice in order to win people over. And so it follows that love will blossom when both partners are attentive to the needs of each other. Metal or plastic objects are no replacement for human touch, an ear that listens or an encouraging voice that acts like balm on the spirit after a harrowing day at the office.
How then do we get our mojos back on track and experience irresistible sex to strengthen the bonds of love? I suggest us women keep the gadgets outside the bedroom and bring in 100% of our Va Va Voom Goddess – selves. There is nothing more attractive than a confident woman who feels she is whole and complete just as she is; happy in her body regardless of size or shape. By all means don some nice lingerie and add a few drops of essential oil such as ylang ylang, long regarded as an aphrodisiac and anti-depressant. Being present to the act of love making is the very essence of tantric practice and while we don’t all need to be experts at Tantra, there’s certainly a better chance of real orgasmic fireworks happening in reality than in Cyberland.
This blog post first appeared on Everything Books & Authors on 15/01/2014 I wrote this for Toni Carter’s blog as part of my blog tour with the wonderful Fiction Addiction Book Tours.